#55: Parenting—The Ultimate Practice of Lifestyle Design
#55: Parenting—The Ultimate Practice of Lifestyle Design
How to live by designing a life worth living
I missed my February post. For a really good reason— I’ve officially become a parent and he is my life, the most important thing besides my marriage. He is, without a doubt, the most breathtaking gift I’ve ever received.
THIS IS NOT A POST ABOUT PARENTING. I’ve always been hesitant to speak up about this increasingly intimidating topic and I won’t start now. This is about what happens during and after a monumental life change. Your entire world shifts big time.
Everything is different and yet some things never change. The most evident of which, for me anyway, is your priorities. Suddenly, the most important things become crystal clear. It is messy and chaotic but it is not an excuse to just let things go and let life happen.
If anything, this is the perfect time to take designing a lifestyle seriously. Constraints are a designer’s friend. Paradoxically, the last 3 years have been filled with nothing but constraints. Add parenting to that equation and I found myself a space worth flexing (and sometimes failing spectacularly) a lot of what I know about design and life, in general.
Today marks my son’s 5th month on earth. (!!!!!!) What better way to celebrate it than to do a little bit of retrospection and share what I’ve learned so far. Here’s a list of short lessons, hacks, notes I’ve found to be useful for navigating life changes:
Design an environment suited for your family’s needs. This also means exercising restraints. Don’t buy unnecessary things that fill your home with clutter.
Be present. Limit screen time (it is hard, I know).
Get some rest—whenever possible.
Dedicate your precious free time to tasks and activities that bring the most value (80/20 principle)
Talk to your spouse, constantly. Especially about the difficult stuff. Resolve conflicts often. Don’t go to bed angry.
Keep a journal. Even better, create multiple variations of your journal for each category in your life (baby, marriage, work).
Turn off notifications in your phone.
Learn how to use the focus features on your iPhone (Sleep, Work, Personal or Custom).
Don’t respond to every message right away. Filter them by urgency / necessity.
Limit your social media usage. Personally, I am down to 1. (Just IG)
Elevate and improve your diet. Your physical and mental energies will be dependent on this.
Walk everyday. Move frequently. Listen to valuable podcasts alongside those activities. You won’t regret this overtime.
Manage your (individual / joint) finances well. It’ll feel good to have some sense of control to this part of your life.
Treat yourself, every once in a while. First time parenting is as difficult as it can get. It’s not a crime to seek joy, whenever possible, in any way, shape or form.
Doing nothing is also a form of self-care. Strive to do nothing constantly. It is a gift, a luxury every parent deserves, working or not working.
Becoming the best parent I can ever be is important to me.
With that comes the hunger to be at my absolute best as an individual too. Oddly, I’ve never been more motivated to pursue bigger dreams and aspirations.
There is this growing energy that makes me want to continue the path I am on even more (and actually succeed tenfold). It is a mystery, really. I can’t remember the last time I felt THIS tired and yet, I’ve never been as hungry to make things happen at the same time. Perhaps, this is a subject for another time and one I will be happy to share.
For now, real life is calling.
This newsletter is a special place. I find that the better I take care of my personal life, the more fulfilling this platform becomes. That is not a coincidence. Our digital lives are uniquely tied to our personal lives. It is worth cultivating both.
Having obsessions (creating, mostly) is not a hindrance to a healthy personal life. In my case, it is an essential element, a non-negotiable, a fuel, a reason for being, a calling so strong, it comes with the territory. It is a part of my identity, one that is transforming rapidly by the minute.
I said it best here:
The goal is not just to eliminate as much of the energy-sucking activities as humanly possible. It is also to fill your everyday life with the opposite: insanely fulfilling, energy-giving activities that bring you (& your family, by extension) an incredible amount of happiness and growth. After all, this is what a lot of us optimize for, isn’t it?
I certainly don’t wake up everyday with the intention of being miserable and/or directionless. Not as an individual and certainly not as a parent.
Exercising creativity is one of the best things you can do to keep that from ever happening. Remember, alongside your kid, you have to grow as a person too. - https://nikkiespartinez.medium.com/how-to-retain-and-develop-your-creativity-while-parenting-full-time-dce52dfdbe
To growing well and absurdly happy and thriving together, kid.
Thank you for reading,
Nikki
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