#84: The new non-negotiables
“How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?” - Jerry Collona
Inspired by this reflective episode from the Bear S3.
In that episode, Carmy wanted to define what greatness means for the new restaurant he just built starting with a list called ‘non-negotiables’. It is as bold and as ambitious and as tactical as it sounds, and I love it. At least, I love the idea of it. From an operations standpoint though, it sounds like a train-wreck waiting to happen, if you consider the fact that there are other factors involved: finance, culture and most importantly, the crew/the people. But let’s not get into that.
I wrote this because of this same need as Carmy, although mine is arguably less bold and far more… grounded. Essentially, a written and very public proof of my thinking—however flawed— on how I’m improving my life in general. I’ve written versions of this in the past and it’s always a fun, little exercise.
The main question I’ve reflected on as I’m writing this: “How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?” - Jerry Colonna (via Tim Ferriss)
Work
Fun and rewarding goes hand-in-hand.
Intrinsic motivation over extrinsic, always. It’s more sustainable and viable in the long-term.
The purpose of a meeting is for its participants to contribute value - through ideas, solutions or just as a competent soundboard. Find areas where you can do this, otherwise it’s just a waste of your time, and of others. Avoid the theatrical1 aspects of your work, as much as you can.
Treat the most valuable parts as a craft, there is no such thing as mastery. You need to learn more as you move up. This is how you protect your work.
What you do today will have a million different effects on the future. Plant seeds where the soil is the most fertile. Chase career-defining projects (even when they don’t look and sound like one in the beginning)
For a fuller view of this, check out my previous post: “#76: How I work”
Social media
The more public the platform, the less personal the content should be.
Bad news should rarely be revealed in public, if at all.
Ranting online is zero-sum: the optics don’t look good, your reputation will take a hit and sympathy won’t always be a guarantee.
If it’s something worth saying, it shouldn’t be on Instagram. It should be on places like Substack or your own blog.
Self-pitying is in the same league as ranting. There is little to no benefit to doing that in public, in real life and online.
For the parenting aspect of this, I posted a lengthier, more detailed one on threads: https://www.threads.net/@nikkiespartinez/post/C_HT2s4uskK
Communications
When in doubt, say nothing. Silence buys you time… and can be a buffer for risks.
Keep in touch because you want to, not because you’re conscientious.
For non-intimate conversations or gatherings, avoid falling into these traps of categories: politics, religion, sexuality & money. There’s no way to win2, regardless if you end up agreeing with one another or not. Reserve this privilege for the inner circle of your life. Even then, you still have to be cautious.
Not all communication methods are equal.
In-person: still the best but difficult in today’s world
Phone call: can be second-best, depending on the circumstance
Video call: might be too much for some
Email: my personal favorite and will always be my number one preference, outside of in-person
Social media: shallow, hurried and oftentimes unremarkable
Handwritten, non-chatgpt assisted letter: for the special people in your life
It helps to be frank, most of the time; However, it is not an excuse to say something cruel or sarcastic.
Emotions
Don’t make decisions when you’re mad, and when you’re happy.
Work on your sanity–this is probably one of the most important metaskills you’ll have in your life.
Calm is a superpower, especially in a world where people are more than happy to burst at the first sign of distress or conflict. Do everything you can to practice this, at work and elsewhere.
Passion is great, have more of it. It’s what keeps people alive and happy and flourishing. It also keeps you from shaming people who know how to make use of it, via their work or their personal life and hobbies and even advocacies.
The easiest way to slowly get rid of doomscrolling? Assume it is the source of most of the things that upsets you about everything.
Technology and the future
Optimism should prevail, and will always prevail. The hard part is: who gets to define what’s good for the world and for the future?
Tech literacy is the baseline for the future. However, a solid foundation in core skills such as writing, speaking and people will always be necessary in building one’s character, persona and reputation.
Artificial intelligence, in the form of accessible products like LLMs, is truly a muddy area. It’s looking to be both a gift and a curse. My whole take on this hasn’t changed since my last post: better to know it as much as you possibly can and see for yourself, rather than be surprised by what it can do and what it can become. Ignorance is not a good strategy to deploy here.
The only way to know the fluff from the real thing is to expose yourself to as much ideas as possible. Even for non-techies, it’s completely worth your time being just a little bit more aware of what is happening in the tech industry - it’s a direct reflection of what’s happening in the world, basically.
Listen to the paranoid ones, they are not always wrong. Align yourself with some knowledge so you are not totally vulnerable.
Thank you for reading working title,
Nikki
How to make the wrong decision 101
Ask everyone’s opinion—regardless of expertise and competency— and go by the most popular. This is quite an expensive lesson for me to learn, over and over again. Perhaps, I am too agreeable and I am still haunted by my people-pleasing past. Undeniably, there is a sensation that comes with making everyone happy: you feel good, and validated and seen. But at the expense of the your own best interest, which is the real purpose for asking for insights in the first place. Somehow, being seen as the difficult one is still a harder pill to swallow than knowingly making a bad move, in certain situations. I’m learning this, or rather, I’m actively unlearning this.
Ask the opinion of others but trust your guts, your instincts, your intellect. In a lot of cases, it weighs a ton more especially when it’s about your life. It’s all too easy to give out strong opinions when you have nothing at stake with the outcomes.
Opinions are cheap & easy. Facing the consequences of pursuing them—that’s the hard part. Give it away if you must but be wary of taking them seriously.
Worth your time:
Machines of Loving Grace, an essay from the CEO of Anthropic
The incredible blandness of AI Photography by Allison Johnson via The Verge
Point Nemo, the most remote place on earth by Cullen Murphy via The Atlantic
Work that is just for show and provides no real value to anyone. In UX, there is a popular term called “UX Theater”. This is a good article on this if you are interested: https://www.fastcompany.com/90686473/ux-design-has-a-dirty-secret
Can be defined as: have peace of mind, enjoy the company of others, have a productive time together or create some sort of a valuable relationship